Wednesday, January 18, 2012

These people are coming and in the interests of the greater good they’ll take away my right to speak

I love Chuck - the TV show. I particularly love John Casey, the token right wing Reagan loving, gun loving, macho guy, for, amongst other things, this one line: "The only thing I hate more than hippie, neo-liberal fascists, anarchists are the hypocrite fat-cat suits they eventually grow up to become."
John Casey just described 99 per cent of the Australian Labor Party. Hacks. Sycophants. Nepotistic freeloaders. Careerists.
Politics is not a career.
In my opinion.
The thing I hate most about the Labor Party and please lest anyone think I love the Liberal Party - I will never vote for that cartel of liars as long as I live, is that implicit in everything they do is a paternalistic/maternalistic we know best attitude which breeds a really debilitating insincere smile. I also hate the way they have let political correctness have free rein. And when that free rein incurs its way into my back yard - language - then I say - non pasaran motherfuckers.
Why, you may be wondering should someone be so hostile on what appears to be a fine Sunday morning. It starts with a newspaper article late last week. Weightwatchers will no longer allow posters to their online forums to use the word 'fat'. Apparently some members find this offensive. Now, this decision does not affect me directly, although some nasty, insensitive right wing fascist associates of mine might suggest that in fact I am currently on the wrong side of the definitely not playing at your peak weight scale; my leftist associates would perhaps more generously suggest that I am currently alternatively enabled kilogramatically speaking.
But this is not about me.
Now, here's where reality steps in and slaps me in the face. Saturday afternoon, the squeezette, son 1, son 3 and myself venture down to a Northcote cafe for a coffee and a spot of family bonding. After surveying the table, son 1 is sent forth to order two skinny lattes, an airport of coffees (A three coffee sample pack. Note that if I had the time I could now take off on a diatribe regarding the introduction of coffee snobdom into a very simple item, but what the hell) and a banana smoothie. So far, so good. an acceptable number of minutes later, the waitress arrives with stage one of the airport coffee selection, with so little coffee in a so petite a cup that I was left to wonder if son 1 was supposed to actually drink it or just recognise that this minuet of a cup had once held coffee from some obscure Kenyan plantation that I was supposed to have heard of and automatically recognise as a sensitive and politically correct coffee growing region. Next comes, wait for this, our waitress returns with, and yes she does introduce them thus: "Two trim lattes."
I don't go straight into John Casey mode. I prefer to give her the option of revealing that this is her not unreasonable attempt at humour. If that's the case, she has failed to follow up with a smile or some other signifier. And I know two things: She is serious. She thinks it is acceptable to lassoo the language and abuse it in the interests of spineless everyone deserves to win political correctness. I will not accept this in my life.
"I'm sorry," I said, "we ordered skinny lattes." I stayed silent on the fact that I don't need any bleeding heart this year's model left wing, I care a million times more about the world than anyone else I know, waitress telling me what I can and cannot say; what words are and are not acceptable this month. that is not my way.
My leftist linguist was ever ready and patient with her explanation. "We, who we is is never explained, discussed it and we realised that some people find the word skinny offensive, so we've removed it. We serve trim lattes now."
Anyone who has enough time on their hands to have their life set off course by the word fat - deserves to be imprisoned and not allowed out unless the safety of the rest of the populace can be guaranteed from their overworked sensitivity genes.
"Well that's all well and good," I said "but if it's all the same to you, I'll stick with my skinny lattes."
It wasn't.
"We don't do skinny lattes. We do trim lattes."
I was surprised that our token representative of the extreme right, a woman who would happily kill off more of the world than is possibly good for us, took all this with a calm pursed lips expression.
"Can you believe that?"
"God damned velvet wearers," she said. "They all want to rule the world."
I'm a simple person. I like the Rolling Stones.
When I got home I had an extraordinary special offer waiting for me in my inbox. I can get a 45 minute ultrasonic fat cavitation session for $129 normal price $1375. can you believe my luck?

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